The WAFFy mixtape

This is proof that I know more sad songs than happy songs. Well, happy songs that aren’t of the jump-around-and-dance-to variety. And even these songs aren’t totally happy.

I’m just glad I finally got to use Aqualung’s Brighter Than Sunshine. And Gael of course. I nearly forgot that song existed.

Our film, God Only Knows, won Audience Choice and Mark got Best Director. Wo0t!

At the unofficial after-party I managed to get some one-on-one time with Aureus Solito, who directed Maximo Oliveros, one of my favorite Filipino movies of all time. I said, “Nakatrabaho ko na si Sol, si Ping, si Nathan.” He said, “Next time tayo naman.” Ayos! Haha!

I never really realized what the songs I’ve been listening to were saying until now. Like this song Love You Madly by CAKE. I always thought it was a naively happy song. Now I see the underlying expectation of future grief.

Love You Madly
CAKE

I don’t want to wonder
If this is a blunder
I don’t want to worry whether
We’re going to stay together
‘Till we die

I don’t want to jump in
Unless this music’s thumping
All the dishes rattle in the cupboards
When the elephants arrive

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don’t want to fake it
I just want to make it
The ornaments look pretty
But they’re pulling down the branches
Of the Tree

I don’t want to think about it
I don’t want to talk about it
When I kiss your lips
I want to sink down to the bottom
Of the sea

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now, yeah
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I don’t want to hold back
I don’t want to slip down
I don’t want to think back to the one thing that I know I
Should have done

I don’t want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don’t want to sit across the table from you
Wishing I could run

I want to love you madly
I want to love you now
I want to love you madly, way
I want to love you, love you
Love you madly

I also now understand why Felicity always listens to Sarah McLachlan when she’s Ben-less.

Someone told me that you can teach yourself to love someone. I don’t agree. You can teach yourself to appreciate them, and to care for them, but you’re only fooling yourself if you think that’s the same. I think your heart will only skip a beat for certain individuals. You can’t help it, you can’t force it.

The same is true for making someone love you. It can’t be done. No matter how much you love someone, it will never be enough to make them love you back the same way. They might be flattered enough to stick around, but it’s not the same and it won’t hold.

Familiar territory.

Tagged by Anna L.

Rules of the game:

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag eight people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. What are your reasons for having an LJ?
To read my friends’ locked entries mostly. Then to write locked entries. Then someone found things they shouldn’t have and I nearly died of shame. So I can’t bear to post there again yet.

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Wear jammies or shorts and shirt combo, brush my teeth and wash my face, go online until I’m too tired.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
I used to want a church wedding even though I don’t go to church. But now I think I’ll elope and get married on some foreign country.

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
The city of my dreams used to be and still partly is Tokyo. Because there’s so much to see and do and taste. I want to experience sensory overload. But lately, my dream city has become Toronto. I’ve been reading Naly’s blog for years, and her and other people’s accounts of Toronto make it seem as if it’s the perfect place to live in.

5. Is there a special song out there that inexplicably describes your life/love life/hate life? Explain.

You Know So Well- Sondre Lerche. The lyrics says it all.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loving someone. No matter how it hurts, or how much it sucks, or how tragic things are, I wouldn’t trade this feeling. I’m just so glad and relieved that I finally know how it feels.

7. Do you trust easily?
I have a pretty good instinct about people. I trust the people I feel I can trust, and shy away from people I don’t think I can. I’ve been wrong, but I’ve been mostly right.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
If it’s “secretly like” I won’t do anything except maybe try to get over it. Haaaay…

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
I’m stuck in an unenviable position. Or maybe it is enviable. Dunno. All I know is I’m selfish but I don’t want to do anything about it.

10. What is your best quality?
I’m self-aware. I’m not perfect and I know it. Being self-aware keeps me from blaming others for the consequences of my decisions.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Haha, yes!

12. How do you see yourself?
I’m a box of contradictions. Friendly yet snobby yet shy. I’m patient but restless. I’m brutally honest yet diplomatic. I think this is all part of being a megalomaniac.

13. Of all places in the world, real or imaginary, where do you feel like you belong?
I can be anywhere, as long as I’m true to myself, I’m home.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Anna is larger than life. She’s uber smart and pretty. She is magical.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and rich. Haha!

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
More than two. Because as one half of a pair of siblings, I know how much it sucks for there to be just two of you. It’s too easy to see when things are unequal when you only have two to compare.

17. Do you ever wonder if the way you see things visually aren’t how other people see them?
I’ve stopped wondering because I’m now sure that the answer is yes.

18. What kind of sounds are the most annoying?
Screeching and scratching noises make me cringe.

19. What would you do if you (or your girlfriend) became pregnant unexpectedly?
Calculate how much money I have and plan how to make more.

20. What were your parents going to name you if you’d been born the opposite sex?
I have no idea. My parents are extremely unimaginative when it comes to names. My brother is lucky someone else suggested Alexander.

I’m too lazy to add links so I’ll do it later. For now, I’m tagging Jax, Boy from Smallville, Alexa, Dindin, Tere, Boinks, Anamer and Naly.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
In his book In My Other Life, Paul Theroux imagines another version of himself – the “story of a life I could have lived had things been different.” I think you’d benefit from carrying out a similar exercise, Taurus. Daydream about the inner potentials you’ve never developed, the inviting destinations you’ve never actually sought out, the initial interests that never grew into full-fledged relationships – and then fantasize that you are in fact doing those things. Aside from being fun, this experiment could lead you to actually try out some possibilities that maybe you should have considered long ago. And it might at least free up energy that has been trapped inside feelings of remorse.

Is Rob Brezny stalking me or something?! This is seriously freaky.